I am scared.

I might become, just like people I know that already owned-homes, very calculative, very stingy and very materialistic.

Now I realize what I have to go through to own a home, I am worried I may get emotional over too many little small things; my problem is the world's problem, the world problem is not my problem.

I may treat my friends as another asset.What food-processor do you have? How big is you LED TV?

I may start valuating every piece of materials. I may start knowing what people worth by their goods than people themselves.

I am scared. I might turn into another calculative bastard that I look down at. Now I am opening my big mouth and say I will fly who and where, I may become an home owner that lose sleep because I have bought my friend a bowl of soup noodle, thinking "why did I need to do that?"

I may get used to fighting for every tiny-miny thing. I may start losing sense of responsibility for what I will lose is walk away. It will be harder to pry my hands open to buy my friend a coffee but it will be easy for me to charge friends for any help I could provide, any money I lent. For every effort I give away, I will expect equivalent or more in return. Hey, I am owning a house that will not lose, but expecting value to rise or I walk away, whose debt is that?

I am exagerating, but looking around, the cool people are people without homes; the calculative people are people sitting on top of million dollar assets, calculating every penny. I am very scared, I am losing my coolness, for there is not much to begin with.

Now that I can expect what is next and imagine what expenses I will have, I am scared. I may become a tasteless and passionless person. A dude who has no passion over the golf clubs, it is just a club, eh? A dude who simply dress anything, just a shirt I will say. A dude that has better grill than the watch he is wearing. Hey, what is more useful? I reason myself. I gain a home, I may lose a life.

I may also start thinking I am the king of my world. For now I have a roof over my head, and mirrors on the walls. It is easy enough to ask the mirror everyday, mirror mirrors on the wall, who is the successful person after all? Looking at the reflection, I can always flown at myself, hmm, I am doing just not bad, the king of my world. I might repeat the same procedure everyday. I lose purpose, I lose contents in life. I will think I have midlife crises.

I have a request, please kindly remember this letter. Please slap me awake when I have become a stingy, selfish, calculative, materialistic, irresponsible and self-inflated bastard. For what home owners have to go through, the mind of steel and for what responsibillities home owners have to bear down the road, the mind of calculation, it has very high tendency i will become just that, the people I dispise now.

I want to become a cool homeowner. But can I? I am scared, very.